A Creative Approach to Grief Support | Jamie Eaton of Living Through Loss

There's just so much pain and devastation with the loss. The idea of the trauma is just in the background. But as people progress and, you know, we've been doing this for five years now, so we've got people that's been in the community for quite some time. You know, seeing them get to a place where it's like, I just can't get this image out of my head or I can't get past this false belief. That's the place where it becomes really clear and we can talk a little bit more about, well, that's the trauma piece and that we can work on. CS Lewis said it so well. He said losing a loved one is like being an amputee. You learn to walk again, but you always walk with a limb. And so recognizing that that's a hole that's never going to be filled, that grief piece, but we still learn to live with it. The trauma piece. What's so exciting to me about that is that we can actually heal that and free people from that.

Welcome to the Mental Health Entrepreneur podcast. We are here to inspire creative ideas and connections for entrepreneurs and advocates working to address our mental health crisis. As you listen, I hope you will experience new ideas and motivation to innovate in your business, your community, and in your life.

Welcome back to the Mental Health Entrepreneur Podcast where we are hoping to inspire creativity and new solutions to the mental health crisis. Today, I am eager to introduce my guest to you, Jamie Eaton. She is a therapist and also the founder of Living Through Loss. We're going to dive more into that organization and everything that she does. But, Jamie, I am so glad to have you here with us today.

Thank you. I'm glad to be here.

Let's start with what is Living Through Loss?

It's a grief support community for parents who have lost a child to overdose. Living through loss started in 2019. I had a client who had lost a child to overdose, and I looked really hard to find a group. And at the time, there were no groups in the area. And so I just. I decided to start a group and I tried to be really intentional about it in the beginning, like, what's this going to look like? And, you know, in the field of addiction, there's a lot of mistrust. There's been patient brokering, and there's just been some insurance fraud and things that have caused a lot of people to be kind of suspect of what goes on in the support for addiction. And so in the beginning, I was really intentional about, like, wanting it to be free. I wanted it to be free of cost, just so people didn't feel like there was a hidden agenda. So I was able to secure funding to do that. And the way that it grew was I ran the first group and then that kind of was thought, well, we'll see, you know, if we need more. But so many people called for the first group that I ran a second group and then the next group filled and then I started getting questions from participants about what do we do next? Like where do we go now? You know, an eight week group is great to give the basics of the grieving process, but there wasn't much for them after that as well. And so what it has grown into is a pretty vibrant community where we run our. Our initial group is what we call it because we haven't thought of a better name. And we run that pretty much quarterly now, but we also run a follow up group to that and then we run another group that's a little bit further down the line and it's just kind of grown. Like every time we've come to a place where we've seen a need in the grief journey or in the community, I've just kind of tried to meet that need. So we do these groups, we also do community events and we do workshops and retreats throughout the year, just as a way to kind of keep people in community and continue the growth through the healing journey.

Yeah, I love this community piece because, you know, there, there are grief groups out there and these are helpful too. But it sounds like when people engage in this, they can continue in this community in whatever way they see fit to interact.

Right, exactly. You know, we have this medical model that we're so married to as therapists. And I mean, don't get me wrong, I love the once a week, one hour in the office setup that we have. We can do a lot of great work there. But I think what's innovative about this and exciting to me is that there's so much freedom outside of that medical model that drives so much of the work that we do. So, you know, we can think about other pieces of healing that we can bring in like community and being around like minded people and ritual and tradition, different ways of healing. I mean, we do equine therapy, we do art therapy. We try to approach grief from pretty much every domain. I mean, grief affects every area of your life, every area of your domain, your body, your mind, your spirit. And so we get to do things that you wouldn't be able to do in the therapy room and to Me, that's kind of the real exciting part of it is seeing something pop up and saying, you know, this is a theme. This seems to be a place where people need more support. Or this could be an avenue towards healing that we haven't approached before. And we just try to kind of explore that. So there's a lot of creativity that happens in the community.

Yeah, I love that. And I know you've had even different kind of fundraising events.

It was a. A lot of local artists contributed their work. So we had kind of a pop up boutique is what we called it. And we had a photo exhibit. Each photo was the parents holding a photo of their child and then an accompanying story about their child to really personalize it. One thing that we've noticed in the community is really important is to try to overcome the stigma of a loss to substance use. And that's something the parents are really passionate about. So that's how this whole idea culminated. And yeah, it was a fundraising event. Every year I try to choose a theme to work with and just. I guess what we're kind of doing is putting together puzzle pieces of the community to create this holistic approach. And this past year's theme was service. And so that was all a part of that as well. And just the idea that service is a part of the healing process. When someone's ready and they can reinvest in community in a meaningful way, it can be a really big important part of their healing journey.

I'm impressed with this sort of organic growth. It seems like you've been able to start something and then sort of empower different members of the community to have ideas and to kind of bring to life whatever they are needing. I'm just curious, what's your secret sauce? How have you done that?

Wow. I don't know what the secret sauce. I think I'm in this really unique and awesome place where I have nonprofit funding. So we're funded by Second street and Hope, and that's a nonprofit in the Frederick area. And their focus is on alleviating suffering related to addiction and or poverty. Because of their generosity. It frees me up to kind of just dream and to try different things that maybe you wouldn't get to try in. In the traditional therapy model. With that freedom, I think that's allowed me to come up with a lot of things. And I. I'm a creative person. I enjoy creativity. And so I think creativity in our community has been such a big part of the secret sauce and the freedom to explore those things. So we Talk some in our community. In one of our groups, we talk about the wind phone. There's a man in Japan who I believe it was his brother that he lost. He put a telephone booth in his garden, and he would go out to this decommissioned telephone booth and he would talk to his brother. And that was a part of his healing process. And so when the tsunami happened in Japan, word got out about this telephone booth and people from all over and this. The. The tsunami happened in his community. And so people from all over came and used that phone to talk to their loved ones. And so a lot in our community about that as a continuing bond. And it's gotten to the point where there is a member of our community who is very set on putting a wind phone in the Frederick area somewhere. So we have called the Appalachian Trail, we've called different places, and we're just looking for where we can make that happen. And just that whole idea to me is so exciting because that just takes this idea of a continuing bond and it shares it with not just our community, but it would share it with the whole community. I get really excited about those things.

I love that idea. And I can just feel the sense of energy where ideas are welcome and creativity is flowing. And I'm guessing that's also part of the healing for this group of people.

Absolutely. Being able to support their healing journey through creativity and allowing them to think creatively, it's heavy. It's heavy work. It's a heavy place to be. And so, you know, when we find deep meaning like that through a creative idea and we can follow it through, that's just so healing for the person, but for everyone else who gets to support them, who came up with that idea. So the more we can do that, I just feel super fortunate to be in a position where we get to explore things like that.

So what's next for living through loss? If you could just have all barriers erased, what do you think that would look like?

A few things. I know that not all of the parents, but a lot of the parents in the community are really passionate about spreading the word on the stigma that's related to overdose loss and kind of spreading the word on the epidemic that is the opioids that just continues to be an epidemic right now. So exploring some ways and we have some ideas and some things that we're working on where the intensive out programs and residential places. So I know that that's an avenue that we're headed towards that a lot of the parents are really passionate about. The theme for Next year is actually going to be addressing the barriers to the healing process. And the way we talk about grief in the community is that grief isn't pathological, but there's a lot of pathology that can come along with grief and there's a lot of trauma that can come along, especially with substance related death. A lot of times there's been a history of addiction and so there's been a lot of trauma in those places. And one thing that I've come to see is that that trauma can really get in the way of the grief grief journey and continuing to move forward on the grief journey. And so we're looking for ways to address that. So if I had a magic wand, it would be individual EMDR therapy for every person in the community. But that's just not realistic. As we all know, there's not enough people to refer to and we do refer people out, but you have insurance barriers and you have the lack of available care. So we're exploring using RTEP or group EMDR as a way to help heal some of the traumas that the parents live with. So to me, that's a really exciting thing that is a part of next year's journey as well. Wow.

And there are so many barriers. Like you say, the stigma is a barrier. Insurance can be a barrier. Finding the right provider can be a barrier. Funding for therapy can be a barrier. Do a lot of people in your community see the traumatic piece of their grief or is that even a process to come to that awareness that maybe grief and trauma are kind of mixed together?

A lot of times that's a new awareness because there's just so much pain and devastation with the loss. The idea of the trauma is just in the background. But as people progress and you know, we've been doing this for five years now, so we've got people that's been in the community for quite some time and you know, seeing them get to a place where it's like I just can't get this image out of my head or I can't get past this false belief. That's the place where it becomes really clear and we can talk a little bit more about, well, that's the trauma piece and that can work on C S. Lewis said it so well. He said losing a loved one is like being an amputee. You learn to walk again, but you always walk with a limb. And so recognizing that that's a hole that's never going to be filled, that grief piece. But we still learn to live with it. The trauma piece what's so exciting to me about that is that we can actually heal that and free people from that. That's a long answer to your question, but yeah, a lot of times that's an awareness that's not there until we really start to have some deeper conversations within the community and people realize that.

I feel like this ebbs and flows as a topic, as an issue sort of in news cycles and things like that. It's not always present, but it comes to the forefront at times and kind of goes. And I imagine even though it comes and goes in, maybe news awareness, it's probably pretty constant.

It definitely peaked during COVID like so many other things. And then post Covid, really a part of that was the inability to get to meetings and to have support during COVID So there was a really big peak during COVID And then also it was the government funds that went out to everyone. There was a major spike at that time as well. Since COVID it has kind of leveled off and you see hotspots just depending upon what's going through, what kind of supply is going through, but for the most part it stays pretty constant and it does come in and out of the news cycle based on, you know, other things that we're faced with these days.

I know there's a lot going on. On the entrepreneur side, what does your creative process look like? How do you set yourself up for thinking of new and innovative things for this group?

Well, I try to listen really closely and pay attention to the themes that I see. And I have a couple of other therapists that I contact now with that helped me run groups and do some other activities for us. And so we'll bounce some thoughts around sometimes with what we're seeing in the community. I think for me personally, I do best when I take some time to go out in nature or create something. So make something, be hands on. And I find those are generally the times when I can kind of let my mind wander and think and try to pay attention to what I believe the themes are that are coming up and try to listen for needs. I think honestly, most of it is just really listening to the people in the community, hearing what they're struggling with and paying attention to what they're asking for and trying to be open to possibility. You and I do this sometimes, right? Like we will sometimes sit around and we brainstorm and we throw out the craziest ideas, right? And some of those ideas are never going to happen, but they lead to other things. And I remember sitting around one time, let's buy a barn and let's get horses and let's do equine stuff. And, you know, who knows, maybe that'll happen one day. But what that ended up turning into is like, let's do equine therapy. I think that the brainstorming piece of just dream big and be, you know, outlandish and then see where you land. And sometimes that takes us further than we ever would have gone.

Yeah, I think so too. And I feel like one of the big pieces that you've done really well is not allowed funding to be a barrier. I hear that a lot, I think, and time too. So I would say you are a busy person and you find time for this, that you found time for it, you carved it out and you created it. Same with the funding. I'm wondering if you have any tips for people that might have a big idea. But then that reality piece of I don't have the time or I don't have the money or how will this ever work? How do you overcome those kinds of barriers and thinking?

Yeah, funding, of course, is a big challenge and also the type of funding you get and what stipulations are put on that funding. So that can be a challenge as well. I would say just based on my involvement in nonprofit, and I've been involved in nonprofit in some capacity for the past 30 years, there are creative opportunities for funding. You just have to keep your ear to the ground and do a lot of research and look, because there are lots of organizations and foundations and different places that really want to support good work. And if you find a good funding source, that just frees up so much energy and you know, you can do grant writing and all of those different things, but finding the right funding source fit is so important. And that's, I think, a matter of just really keeping your eyes open and doing some digging and getting your name out there so that people know you exist. I mean, I have people call me now sometimes and say, hey, we got this source for funding, so we thought you might be interested in it for whatever project you have going on. So I actually have people who contact me now, some, which is just amazing and feels great, really supportive. And it's also becoming this community of entrepreneurial thinkers who are watching out for each other. I'd say the funding piece and finding the right fit is really big. And the other thing too, at least for me, this grew pretty grassroots. But I was already looking for something. I was just in a season of life where I had my full time work and I had time to do something meaningful. And so in the beginning, I was willing to put a lot of skin in the game and do things not being paid. And it took a bit and I was able to build up enough to be able to go to the board and say I would like to be paid. And for me, that was a big step. It's hard, I think, sometimes for us to ask for what we think we're worth. And they said yes. And so I worked my way into a place that I feel is a fair exchange now, but I was willing to put that skin in the game up front. And a lot of times, I think if you're going to do something in the nonprofit, people are looking before they give you any funding, they're looking to see how serious you are, how good your plan is, and do you seem like somebody who is really going to turn this into something. So those would be my, probably my biggest suggestions.

I think that makes a lot of sense. And I think on the business side too, as an entrepreneur, most entrepreneurs I know are working all the time. There's never a non working time. It's like, yes, life happens and yes, I'm all about balance. I agree. But in the early stages, there's a lot of need for that investment without compensation. And I think that's what drives a lot of new things.

Absolutely. So make sure you love it, you know, whatever it is, make sure that you really feel passionate about what that is, because it's probably going to call for a lot of extra attention. And I mean, I think for a lot of people who do something innovative and do have kind of that entrepreneurial spirit, it's hard to turn your brain off anyway. But when you get going with an idea and it's. It's invigorating and it brings energy, I think anytime it starts to drain us is the time we really have to check in. And. And that was the point where I realized I need compensation for this or I really will burn out. And that's when I made that change. So, yeah.

So what would you say to someone, an entrepreneur, someone in the mental health field, anyone who has an idea for something? What would be your. Your thoughts, your advice?

Listen to your podcast.

I like that one.

And I say that seriously because even as we're talking, I'm thinking in my mind, I need more entrepreneur, community, be in a community with people who are thinking innovatively and trying to be creative, that we can support and kind of balance ideas off of each other. That's probably a huge piece of really starting to believe, like I can do this thing, you know, I can make this happen. So that would be probably the number one, is getting community with like minded people. I'd say the other piece is count the cost before you really dig in. For me, this happened pretty organically as I explained, but I was already looking for something. I mentioned I've been in the nonprofit arena for a long time and I'll say in the beginning I wasn't very good at it. I think I was drawn to it because of some of my own experiences and I had maybe a bit of a rescuing mentality and it felt meaningful, but I didn't have great follow through because I don't think it was really coming from a grounded, healthy place. Thirty years on, after becoming a therapist and doing my own work, I think I have more healthy boundaries and I have an understanding of why I'm doing this and it's coming from a much more grounded place. So maybe that's a long winded answer to say, like really think about where you're coming from on this and why you're, why you're choosing to do what you do. Because if you're going to get into this, you're going to find a lot of people will be depending on you and I don't want to let those people down.

Wow, I like that. Well, that is about our time for today, Jamie. I'm so excited about living through loss and the community that is just growing and regenerating itself organically. What a beautiful thing. Thank you for creating that and thank you for being here to inspire others with what you're doing.

Well, thank you and thanks for doing this podcast and maybe inspiring some creatives to come together and think together about these things. So I love this idea as well. So thank you.